by The Watermark Staff
Welcome to the Watermark’s first snack review, where we will regularly review the snacks eaten during meetings.
SmartFood White Cheddar Popcorn
An overarching theme among the Watermark staff was a general dissatisfaction with the company’s rebranding efforts. The new bag features a new logo, a wedge of cheese, and a couple pieces of popcorn. It should be noted that the included images of the popcorn was a “bad interpretation” and that the photo of real cheese was off-putting. “This packaging induces the wrong emotions. I feel scared and lonely,” claimed one writer.
Others, by a significant unpopularity, disagreed. “I like the black with the pop of yellow,” said another writer, claiming that they felt “intrigued” by this new look.
SmartFood White Cheddar Popcorn, upon initial impression, has a tangy smell. Though one party-sized bag, costing a pricey four dollars, was consumed entirely in one forty-five-minute meeting, its taste was met with harsh scrutiny. One critic lamented the inconsistency of the cheese flavor from kernel-to-kernel; another alleged that it tasted like styrofoam. “The thing I do not like is if you eat too many of them you get the weird creamy rim on your mouth,” declared one writer. Others agreed, noting that the snack was also hard to consume without water because the kernels “stick to the roof of your mouth.”
Nutrition-wise, SmartFood White Cheddar Popcorn is commendable. In addition to a very large serving size, true to its name, SmartFood White Cheddar Popcorn has very few calories. It is a good source of sodium, a local nutrition source disclosed, but “maxes out your saturated fat intake.”
“I do not like cheddar popcorn.” - Ari Dor
Stauffer’s Animal Crackers
Writers of the Watermark found Stauffer’s Animal Crackers’ red and blue packaging offputting. “This looks dangerous,” one writer commented, “it’s like firework packaging.” “It’s too flashy,” said another.
Stauffer’s Animal Crackers carry a weird aftertaste distinct to animal crackers. The taste of animal crackers, to many, takes us back to our childhoods.
“A lot of the crackers do not look animals,” one Watermark staff member expressed, defeated, “this could be useful in activating childrens’ imaginations but ultimately, make them very frustrating to eat.”
The small bag contained 240 crackers, proving that the bag was extremely efficient as the company did not waste any space with air. “That is a lot of crackers,” one writer declared. The 240 crackers were reportedly a good source of iron and carbohydrates.
This snack contains a shocking amount of thiamine mononitrate, containing more of this ingredient than sugar or baking soda. In fact, it is the third largest ingredient. “Why is there so much thiamine mononitrate in here?” we all asked. The empty hallways did not provide a compelling answer.
“I love grinding off their little heads with my teeth.” - Ari Dor