by Megan Bach
How do I get a chick’s number without being cliche and weird?"
Oh, honey. This is actually quite a simple one. Back in the day, we just simply walked up to the little cutie-patootie and asked. But, in this day and age we need to use the technologies that we have been blessed with. My nerd of a nephew opens his contact book app on his phone and sets it up to make a new contact. He starts with making some simple friendly conversation, not flirty or nothin’. He’s just trying to make a friend,’cuz the best relationships start as friendships. Then he simply asks the lady(or dude, he’s a bit of a liberal in that way) if they had the time to fill out a survey, then hands them the open app. It usually makes the person laugh, and then they are more willing to cough up their number cuz you've been friendly and humorous. Everyone will tell you a different method, but I’ve seen this one work the most.
by the Watermark Staff
So, we all know that "Roses are red, / violets are blue, / sugar is sweet, / and so are you." I mean, roses aren't all red, and violets aren't blue... they're violet. It really isn't that complicated given the name, so I don't really get what that's all about. You wouldn't say Oranges are yellow, would you? But, I digress. Read on to hear some of the Valentine's Day poetry written by the Wordsworths and Shakespeares of Watershed.
Roses are red,
Have a brilliant Roses are red spin-off just waiting to be shared? Drop it in the comments!
by the Watermark Staff
Are you an electron? Because I'm positively attracted to you."
On a scale of 1 to America, how free are you tonight?"
Girl, are you a USB port? 'Cause I want to connect with you."
Are you WiFi? Because I'm feeling a good connection."
by Lola Hemmat
All throughout David Bowie’s career, he has mentioned space. He did this in songs like Space Oddity, Starman, and Life On Mars… the list goes on. Supposedly, these songs are based on a persona of Bowie’s named Major Tom. Yes, this does explain the space related songs, but there are many other coincidences, such as his band being named Spiders From Mars that lead me to think that he is singing from experience.
What I am trying to get at is that David Bowie was too otherworldly just to have been human. What else could explain why the world went to crap after he died? January 10, 2016, Bowie died, January 14th 2016, Alan Rickman died, April 21, 2016 Prince died, November 9th, 2016 Trump was elected, and last but not least, the year David Bowie died was the height of popularity for the dab. Does this mean that David was holding the fabric of the universe together? I think... yes.
My final tidbit of conspiracy, is that David Bowie is eventually going to come back to life. In Bowie’s last album Blackstar, there is an especially depressing and erie tone to it, and one of the songs is titled Lazarus. If you don’t already know, Lazarus is a character in a story from the Bible who was brought back to life by Jesus four days after his death. I don’t think it’s merely a coincidence that Bowie died two days after he released a song with the title Lazarus.
If David Bowie really was an alien, then he might have known that his time was coming, hence the song Lazarus. And, whatever species of alien Bowie may have been, he could have multiple lives, such as timelords.
All of this is some random conjecture from a fan, but wouldn’t it be better if Bowie was an alien? If he was, and all of what I just said is true, that means that someday (hopefully soon) he will return and the universe will be restored to a Trumpless, dabless, place with amazing music.