“I will eat a flax field!” - Marrion B.
“Wherever you give someone advice it’s always sound because you have to speak it.” - Jack B.
“Ever wonder why we perceive at a higher plain of existence than you do? That’s because we are your benevolent gods! Bow to us, mortal children. OUR BODIES ARE NOW YOUR COMMUNION. EAT FROM US, DRINK FROM US, FEAST FROM OUR ASTRAL SUSTENANCE. OUR WEDGE OF EXISTENCE HAS DOMINANCE OVER YOUR FOOLISH MINDS.” - Riley S.
“Don’t teens flirt with trickery and evil?” - Emily G.
“Robbin, what pupil makes your glands produce the most dopamine?” - Ari D.
“I’m going to write for AIDS use only on this dollar bill.” - Liran D.
Whatever you say, SEGWAY BOY." - Riley S.
Let's romanticize a terminal illness, yeah!" - Megan B.
Actually, spines are the closest to knees as knees are." - Marrion B.
Can you still feel your legs?" - Teo S.
Someday, piles of bread may not be sufficient." - Jen C.
I want to be reborn as a dandelion and eaten by a labrador." - Jack B.
Mussolini looked like a sweaty hard-boiled egg after it's been peeled." - Cameron H.
Ooooooh, you know, that musky man!" - Emily G.
DO NOT ANNIHILATE THE SQUELCHING APPLICATOR." - Riley S.
Sam just offered me pocket lint in the shape of a mint." - Megan B.
I fought God in Northern California and lost." - Marrion B.
That’s quitter talk, Teo. If you weren’t a coward, maybe you would stare straight into the sun.” - Mikai T.
I’m okay with a banana tasting like a banana when it’s a banana, but I’m not ok with bananas tasting like bananas when they’re not bananas.” - Maia W.
For the past few days, I’ve been identifying myself as a pineapple.” - Unknown Middle Schooler
I only see red because I'm a communist!" - Marrion B.
10 out of 10, definitely has a cauldron in his bedroom” - Riley S.
You should be a hand model.” - Azilee B.
So I was talking to this girl on the subway—wait, I’ve never been on a subway!” - Megan B.
“It’s an exfoliating brush for your teeth.” - Bodhi K.
“Oh, heck! I need to go get my crow call!” - Marrion B.
“Do you think there are more bowls in the world than people? I think there are more bowls in the world than people.” - Cameron H.
“You know that feeling when you just go into a morgue? Yeahhhhh.” - Teo S.
“That’s my genetic material right there!” - Teo S.
“You know what word really excites me… LOAM!” - Cameron H.
“Like… what the heck happened to my clothes?” - Pablo S.
“Give us the Luddle! “ - Allie C.
“My spleen is Arnold Schwarzenegger from the Terminator.” - Sam A.
“It’s not peer pressure; it’s let’s be sober and hit things with a stick!” - Mikai T.
“If you kick enough watermelons, you can break a kneecap.” - Teo S.
“Does your grandmother make you shove your hand in a tube of cottage cheese?” - Ella N.
“I’m a good person: look at my boobs!” - Anonymous Male
“Get back on that ‘Grindr’ site, man!” - Andrew C.
“Sam, I will only bless the rains down in Africa if it is culturally and socially intelligent to do so.” - Unknown
“Party ‘till you're homeless!” - Homeless man with face tattoos on Pearl, to a group of Watershed students
“Your personality is basically just a short synopsis of Air Bud.” - Marrion B., to Jack B.
I will astral project to Illegal Pete's." - Grace K.
Sam pulled Ty out of advisory today. I think he proposed to him?” - Leo S.
[loudly] YES!! .... [quietly] I’m sorry, I was really excited about that.” - Cameron H, hitting Ty M. repeatedly
There’s twirling, and there’s birds!” - Cameron H.
I’m not sure we can trust the journalistic integrity of the Watershed Watermark.” - Leo S.
Justin Bieber! Ants!" - Zak S.
Your grandma is married to ELON MUSK?!?" - Clara B.
Don't even get me started about Pliny the Elder." - Marrion B.
Our language robs other countries' in a trench coat." - Marrion B.
Bakers are bakers because of brain damage." - Stefen M.
Guys, I got a computer charger. All we need is deodorant now." - Izzy C.
We don't put curse words in 'Heard in the Halls,' you (expletive) idiot." - Anonymous
You're not fat. You know who's fat? You." Sarah B., to the same person
You can literally make Africa." - Riley S.
The moon's a-rising." - Emily G.
I'm about as acrobatic as a dead frog." - Marrion B.
That's not even a human. That's just a child." - Nico G.
I want prisoners of war!" - Janie R.
The more I simulate the Void, the easier it is for me to work." - Sam A.
If I were a clownfish, I'd sleep all day." - Andy K.
Enough blue sky to make a Dutchman's pants." - Cameron H.
If you wanna know something, go to the magic lesbian." - Sam A.
Everything looks the same. That's what's weird about it. See, Lee's wearing a donut." - Sarah B.
This duck is taking gender roles to a whole new level." - Zak S.
Technology will not rule me!" - Jen C., whilst hitting an alarm clock with a stick.
I'm not a squirrel. I knew a guy once... nevermind." - Ellie G.
I looked up pictures of renewable energy and all that came up was an avocado." - Abbi S.
We're all gonna look like Walter White in our smocks and underwear." - Nico G.
Grind their heads into the ground." - Cameron H.
Bless you, little mousies." - M.J.
I need an English dictionary over here; what’s a finger leg?” -Tyler S.
I know, but at least I’m better than magenta!” - Marrion B.
We found out, dot man.” - Suzanne D.
That white kid looks like a half-baked potato.” - Kath A.
Um, I echolocate. Why do you think I talk so much?” - Marrion B.
I still don’t have muscles, no matter how many handles there are!” - Grace P.
Literally, Pablo’s a big sweetheart.” - Jacob W.
Maybe everybody’s gay for the stay, and the stay is life.” - Grace K.
It’s literally so easy to put someone’s face on a watermelon.” - Riley S.
I’m just gonna stretch and think about Communism.” - Megan B.
If you don’t buy Pocket Pants™, I will personally kill your family. For a whole new generation, Pocket Pants™ will be the new currency. Because I will control the Pocket Pants™ empire, I will control the entire economy.” - Cameron H.
And then he realized that I was the dominant turkey and backed down." - Cameron H.
There’s so much pocket space!” - Cameron H., whilst sprinting in the natural history museum in Denver
Doesn’t everyone have a hit list? I spend at least ten minutes a day debating whether or not to switch up the order.” - Tyler S.
We'll be laying on the sidewalk in, like, oatmeal and egg, some olive oil and walnuts… and blood.” - Eloise H.
Can we hypothetically calculate the rate at which the spoon that does not exist is bending?” - Tyler S.
Then, all of a sudden, my ears are ringing, there’s a dent in the ceiling, and I am covered in soup.” - Anonymous
It just occurred to me that a ferret is the weiner dog version of a squirrel." - Devin D.
My worst enemy is just like me. She’s like a smaller... Guatemalan me.” - Dani C.
If you’re going to go accurate, you’re going to add a butt crack and butt dimples.” - Hayden M.
Diaaaaabetes in a baaaaaag!” - Unknown Middle Schooler (whilst sharply rounding a corner)
My handwriting is perfectly illegible!” - Kathlin A.
That’s a dumb letter! Why did you pick such a dumb letter? You just ruined the game for everyone involved.” - Cameron H.
Ugh… I wish my childhood had been harder so that I could rap better!” - Anonymous 6th-grader
Oh my god, there's someone else's blood on my arm!" - Sam A.
I bleed pumpkin spice." - Asher H.
I need to decide between Chipotle and Smashburger or the universe will end." - Lee
I can't possibly write everything down. It's killing me." - Guess who (it's obvious)
Andrew, this is not the magic school bus!" - Nico G.
This love-hate relationship is so cute, isn't it?" - Andrew, remarking about Devin and Sam squabbling
You know me, they call me Heroin McGhee." - Frank B.